There are times and circumstances when many of us lose access to sensual pleasure. Some of the experiences that can disrupt erotic well-being or exacerbate existing problems with sexual expression are:
- changes in health
- gender dysphoria
- birth experiences
- trauma (recent or past)
- a legacy of repressive cultural conditioning about sexuality, gender, disability, and race
However, sex and sexuality do not have to be physically or emotionally painful. Getting support to recover or develop your erotic well-being is possible.
You are not alone if
- you have a hard time relaxing and turning off your brain, which interferes with your ability to become aroused, enjoy sex, or have orgasms.
- you freeze or zone out during sex.
- you feel pressure from internal or external forces to resume sexual activities after a hiatus.
- despite a theoretical interest in sex, the thought of actually engaging in sexual activities feels overwhelming and may cause visceral feelings of dread or anxiety.
- some or all sexual activities are painful or unpleasant.
- you no longer respond the same way to types of sex that you previously enjoyed.
- your orgasms feel less intense than they used to.
- you have difficulty having an orgasm or are unsure if you experience orgasms.
- touch on or near certain parts of your body makes you want to jump out of your skin.
- you experience shame about your body and/or how your body functions sexually.
- your genitals or abdominal area feel numb or disconnected from the rest of your body.
- you get bored when trying to masturbate.
In addition, perhaps
- your experience giving birth changed you in ways you want to explore and possibly address.
- you experience pelvic pain (during sexual activity or otherwise) and medical professionals have not yet provided you with useful solutions.
- you have scar tissue or pain from gender confirmation surgeries, an episiotomy, a c-section, PID, or any other surgical or medical procedure or condition that is interfering with your comfort in your own body. (This may show up as restrictions on range of motion, lack of sensation, pain, or inhibition of sexual pleasure.)
- you are a survivor of sexual assault and, although you have worked extensively with mental health professionals, you are not yet able to enjoy or engage in sexual activity to the extent that you would like.
Whatever the reason, your responses are part of your body’s defense system and they were/are absolutely necessary to enable you to survive.
I can assist you if and when you decide that you want strategies and support in adjusting the patterns in your mind-body that bother you.
I'm also available if
- you want to learn new sensual and/or sexual skills and expand your capacity for receiving pleasure.
- you and your partner(s) want to learn new sensual and/or sexual skills together.
- you’ve noticed an awakening in your pelvis during yoga or another embodiment practice and want to expand that to a full body experience of erotic awareness.
- you’ve read or watched instructional or self-help information about sexuality but haven’t gotten around to practicing the suggestions, possibly because you don’t feel comfortable or safe practicing on your own or with a partner whose feelings you don’t want to hurt.